While cleaning up my house i wrote down a parody of someone attempting to summon known occultist Aleister Crowley. forgot where it came from or who wrote it. if someone can find the link let me know. i know it's over 5 or 6 years old. I slightly revised som things. Ok here it is:
Wife holds up a pic of aleister Crowley. To the four directions:
Get off my cloud (to each direction and each time gives the finger). Then the wife brings out a crucifix and lots of beer and a book by A.E.White(this will keep him out)
Wife then takes out a joint and starts smoking it.
Wife: Harry what do you think of him(shows pic)
Husband: he looks like a fucking retard. Hey even Lindsay Lohan wouldn't even fuck him.
Wife: I wish Crowley was here to hear you say that.
Wife : I shall read the first incantation:
I invoke and conjure thee, O ye blasphemous toad Aleister Crowley! Long have you taunted
us from beyond the grave,meddling with the brains of acid messiahs and politicians,smirking
at us from behind that silly Egyptian hat! i command you to appear before us now,if you're
the great magician they say you atre! Being armed with the power of beer and pot I
O worm-eaten necromancer,hear me. a sadistic game you have played with your disciples
long enough. You lure the curious down thou art of slick advertiser selling bottled air. Making
witless by your books.
I invoke you by your names: to Mega Therion! Perdu rabo! Baphomet! the Beast 666! Fo-Hi!
Count Alexander Suaroff! Chiao Khan! Dr.John Dee! etc! etc! Come forth with out delay, from
any and all parts of the world thou mayest be and makerational answers unto all things that we
shall demand of thee, fir thou art conjured up by the name of the living and true God XEROX!!!.
nothing happens so the wife now says some more stuff.
Wife: By the power of the slave god Barak Obama, I command you to appear!
by the power of 20 generation of Plymouth Brethron, I constrain you to apear!
By grandpa Munster and by Pan, I lure you to apeear!
With 7 vestal virgins, I entise you to appear!
with 7 fine lines of Columbian cocaine,I tempt you to apeear!
With 7 young gay Arabian boys i seduce you to apeear!
By a gram of China White heroin, I dare you to appear!
Just to see if I have all that shit, I defy you to appear!
nothing still happens
wife says: come on,man , this is embrassing. i do the ritual and you promise i will work and you don't
show up. That's just like you, you lime sucking baldpate of an English windbag. I come out
here,dressed in fine appareal and take strange drugs and all that shit and all i get is me and
my limp dick husband stoned on strange drugs. Come on, you lecherous old fart! you that
us , if you got the balls. Come on,Crowley, show us that beast of a wanger you brag about
you Willy Wonker